


Why don't you love me?

by wildchildmonaghan (codenamemoony)



Category: The Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: Monaboyd, Pining, angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-20
Updated: 2016-04-20
Packaged: 2018-06-03 08:35:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6604114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/codenamemoony/pseuds/wildchildmonaghan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dom is lost in his thoughts as Billy explains the plans for his upcoming wedding.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why don't you love me?

"-- and Elijah's said he will be there too, but I  _need_ you, Dom. You'll do it, won't you? Be my best man?"

His eyes are fixed on the whiskey in his hands, the lights in the room glinting off the glass and his skull ring as Billy goes on, Dom not wanting to listen anymore. He'd been done with this the moment he'd know Billy had proposed. There's a beat of silence, then Billy's speaking again, soft and worried.

"Please, Dommie? Meant to be your best mate, aye? You're mine, I need you there for this. You were there for Jack, and for everything else. I need you."

_Yeah, well I need you to love me, but I'm not set here begging, am I?_

"Course I'll do it, Bill. Can't let you down now, can I?"

_I can suck it up and pretend you're not killing me one last time. I guess._

"Yeah? You will? Brilliant, thank you, Dom. So much, thank you."

He's staring at the drink still, not wanting to see the delighted glint in Billy's green eyes, knowing without glancing that they match the stone he wears around his neck right now. They always do when he's happy. It's a beautiful green, fitting for his handsome face and the thought makes Dom's heart ache. A hand reaches out, fingers wrapping his wrist, and there's no need for words, Dom finally looking up and seeing that smile that breaks his heart.

"I'm really happy you've said yes, Merry."

That's cheating, calling Dom that name. His heart flips and he smiles, a little more real this time as he rubs his thumb over the glass. 

"Anything for you, Pippin. You know that."

They stare at each other for a second and Dom's heart shatters. He can't help but remember the times that same smile was directed at him across a mussed bed, or in a shower, or after a stolen kiss on set or at a premier... and now it's because Dom's agreed to stand by his side as he forgets the life  _they_ could have had in favor of this new one.  He wonders if it's showing on his face, all the pain and wanting, because the shade of green changes and Billy's face falls.

"I'm happy you're happy, Bill. You deserve this. Your forever. You'll be so much happier."

His voice isn't bitter, not like his mind, as he offers the comfort. 

The song playing overhead changes, a country song Dom shockingly knows, getting up and reaching to invite Billy to come dance with him. He complies, Dom knew he'd do it, and they come together, Billy's arms around his neck and Dom's about his hips, swaying to the music, Dom's face on his shoulder, breathing him in and knowing it's real this time... he's about to lose the other half of his soul. 

Billy holds him tight, not saying anything as they move, his breath choppy and Dom wonders for a moment if he knows what's going on in his head. It wouldn't be shocking, all things considered. They can do that, read each other's minds. It's just that this time, he doesn't want him to. He doesn't want Billy to know that he's in pain and he's dying and they are only doing this to keep him from throwing himself into him and begging him to love him instead. 

Hands slide down his back, and he can't stop the lump in his throat at the warmth of it, the memories it sparks and his face turns into Billy's neck, lips grazing over his neck, and a soft shaky plea from Billy reaches his ears.

"Dominic, _please._ "

"I know. I know, I won't, I just... I know."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't. If I can't-- just please, don't, Billy."

Billy's body stiffens as he pulls back, eyes dark and sad.

"I wanted to apologise, but you won't let me?"

"I don't want it. I don't want you to apologise for not letting me kiss you, or touch you... just fucking don't, William."

The use of his full first name registers as shock on Billy's face, Dom hating himself but also feeling some satisfaction. Billy can be shocked. It's fair, since Dom is drowning. Then he feels bad, adding.

"-- there's no need. It's okay."

Billy looks uncertain and it's then that his phone goes off, Billy fishing it out and the look on his face telling Dom exactly who it is. He steps back, letting Bill walk away to answer, throwing back the still full glass of whiskey as he sits heavily. Its a long moment, then Billy comes back, grabbing his jacket and clearing his throat. 

"I've got to run home. Jack isn't feeling well and Ali needs my help. We'll talk tomorrow, hm? I love you, Dom."

Dom lets his face lift, a smile on it as he nods.

"Sure we will. Give Jacky love from Uncle Dommie. Safe trip, mate."

Billy seems off that Dom doesn't say  _I love you too._

Dom doesn't care.

Billy leaves, and Dom orders a few more drinks, looking through his phone and pausing on the only picture to survive the years.

It's a snapshot of a sticky page, Billy's beautiful script curling over it, on a picture of the two of them in an arm chair, Dom laughing and Billy pressing a kiss to his face.

The writing is what made Dom keep it.

_To nights that remind me how you complete me! I love you, my sweet Dominic. Always. xoxox- Bill_

There's a beat, and a breath, then Dom carefully hits a button, tears leaking down his cheeks as he presses confirm.

The picture is gone, and with it, Dom's hopes for the life he'd dreamed of. 

Billy made his choice, and it wasn't Dom.

It was her.

 


End file.
